How To Be Awful At PR

Diane Schwartz wrote an article titled The Epic List of Useless PR Tactics. I broke a personal edict and read something with the term "epic" in the title. There's a disturbing trend toward the use of the term epic in the last few years. There's an awful hive-think mentality that latches on to shiny new words. Words like awesome and epic and outrageous are fantastic adjectives that have had their bite dulled, like the circus lion that's had its teeth pulled and just angrily flaps an impotent maw, by over use. Maybe over use isn't accurate. Misuse would be more appropriate.

If something is epic it's enormous, it's transcendent. To be epic something must be so good that literally everyone in the world needs to hear about it, and it will be so good that it will stick around for centuries so they can. The best cup of coffee is not epic. It can be delicious or hot or even hot as Hell. The term epic has been over applied, and that's really all I'm getting at.

Sarcastic Husky

The list compiled by Diane Schwartz  is a guide for what not to do as a PR professional. I thought we should re-imagine it as a guide for those who wish to fail miserably in the field. So, without further ado, let's get it on. 

Creating a viral campaign as goal #1: This should be the primary and essential goal of every PR every time. It's a measure of success, and if you don't achieve it you're a failure. Clients deserve this, stop sniveling and making excuses and just deliver viral success.

Using ad value equivalencies as a metric: This should be the ONLY value you measure results by. The internet is single faceted digital-organism and Ad Value determines how close you are to winning the World Wide Web.

Spraying and praying: What works with automatic weapons, works with your ad campaign. Put it everywhere. Meditate "willy-nilly."

Baiting and switching: Clients literally never notice when you do this. You can save money and other valued resources with this time honored technique.

Forgetting you have a voice: Sometimes you have to shriek into the phone so you don't forget.

Forgetting you have ears: Think of the money you'll save now that you don't have to buy headphones.

Working in a silo: You can gain serious cred. with farmers and rural folk with this technique. Empty the grain, move in your desk and hook up a land-line.